ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize