We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
