she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
