I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
