I have demons in me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
