Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
