the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
