found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
