I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
