he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
