i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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