I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
