I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
