butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
