I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
