You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
