HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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