is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
