I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize