I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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