She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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