My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
