im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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