Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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