did you get engaged???
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
