If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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