this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
