Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
