Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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