I met the friendliest cop last night
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
