At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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