Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
