Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I believe in your delicious
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
