my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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