i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
