Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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