Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
