I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
