sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
