Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
