I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
