You can't special order awesome
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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