i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
4 words: hood of his car
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
