my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
