Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
