Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
4 words: hood of his car
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
