Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
