I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
