sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize