what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
