he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
