I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
