I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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