Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
