A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize