I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
