I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How's work?
Spinning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
