where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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