We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
