then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize