Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
