so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
