i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
