Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
