I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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