I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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