Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
