i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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