Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
