so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We have started to decorate penises.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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