i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
