Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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