New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
