eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
