You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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