Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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