9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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