I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
