Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
