totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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