Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
