mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
