Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
