Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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