I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
