Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
