i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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